High Hopes for the New Year

This year, when referring to my Fibromyalia, is ending on a poor note. I feel as if I'm getting worse despite my best efforts. I have tried (and continue to try) all my normal remedies that have worked in the past to control or alleviate my symptoms. But, they don't seem to be helping this time around.

It makes sense. After Robbie was born, I didn't go back on the medications because the ones that helped me before were no longer effective. I think it's the changes my body goes through while I'm pregnant. So, coming out of the pregnancy with Alyssa, it makes sense that my body made more changes. Why do the changes have to be worse though? Why can't they change for the better?

So, this year, I'm faced with finding new remedies. I have a few ideas... some of them I'm not crazy about. Obviously, I've already mentioned the organic foods. I'm a lot of talk there, with no real action. Changing to organic food is a much bigger deal than I had anticipated. So, I'm giving myself time to make this change (or at least try it out).

Also, I could try acupuncture. I've thought about this option before... but quite frankly, I don't like needles that remain in me. I don't mind the B12 injections that Kasey has to give me... or even blood draws. Because the needle is inside of me for a short period of time... and there is only one! I'm thinking maybe I can do this on the buddy system. I think Cindy would benefit from accupuncture as well, maybe we could do it together.

I also haven't given up on the exercise helping me. I think water therapy will be my next move. I'm not crazy about getting into a bathing suit more than once a month... so again, this will be a difficult one for me.

All three of these things are not comfortable changes. And quite frankly, just talking about them makes me want to procrastinate. But I am committed to feeling better. I am finally enjoying my family and I want to feel good and do more things together... but I need the energy.

So, I'm hoping that 2007 is my year to gain control! Wish me luck!

A difficult Beginning

I'm tired. I just woke up. Kasey, once again, has let me sleep in. He's such a great husband. I woke up tired (I'm still trying to open my eyes all the way and it's already been a half hour of waking up), my body is achey (nothing new) and I itch all over (there doesn't seem to be anything that would be causing me to itch).

Our time with Kasey home is quickly coming to an end. Last night we had our monthly date night. I think it was our best one yet. I love his company. I think it's easy when we get caught up in our everyday lives to overlook what we love about each other and to take it all for granted. I'm glad we are taking this time, however infrequent it is, to reconnect. Maybe it will help the whole recovery.

Kasey has also visited the Fibromyalgia support website on his own. It's a site for families, not just sufferers, but I would never have asked him to do that as he has enough to do - and when he has extra time, he deserves to do what he wants. But it makes me feel good that he took it upon himself to check it out. Perhaps he needs just as much support as I do. Afterall, it's the whole family that has to live with his affliction.

So, a new day. Now that I've blogged a bit, I hope that I can muster up enough energy to get myself moving. Wish me luck!

Resolutions

I don't like to make New Year Resolutions. I figure if something's worth changing, why wait for a new year? Nonetheless, last year I made a resolution - or a commitment - to help Robbie make more friends. I think I did well. I joined a local chat board, we met a few through CL (although I haven't heard from them in several months), and we joined a Co-op preschool. All of these things are far out of my comfort zone.

So, I've decided on a new challenge, this one a bit more difficult... but just as important. When I quit working, I made a commitment to myself to do all that I could to control my Fibromyalgia. These past few years it has taken over again. I felt like we had it under control a few years ago... I was working 30 hours a week while still caring for Robbie full time. Now, I had to quite because I couldn't work 10 hours a week and I have two children to care for.

My plan (if you can call it such) was this;

• Quit working to minimize my stress
• Begin an exercise schedule
• Maintain a healthy diet

In the two or three months that I haven't been working, I have managed to do all these things. I have been cooking more and eating out less - this has resulted in a healthier diet. I quite working and my stress level is greatly reduced - I feel so much happier. And we joined the health club in which I go an average of two three times I week - I'm still hoping to increase that.

Unfortately, I'm not achieving the results I'd like. I'm still having episodes... and today, Christmas Day, was no exception. I woke up this morning feeling as if I could fall right back asleep (even though I was walking around). While opening presents, I had to resist the urge to lay my head down on the floor and take a nap. I had severe pain in my lower back and had to wear a heating pad all day. I finally had to retire to my bed around 5:30 because I could no longer sit up. Of course, now it's 11:00 and I don't feel a bit tired.

So, I have added a few more steps to my plan;

• Once again, begin reading about Fibromyalgia. It's been several years since I've read anything on the latest research
• Join a support group. This is going to be the hard one for me... but I've heard it can help.
• Go organic. I've mentioned this in this blog before, and it's not an easy conversion, but again, I've heard good things about going organic.
• And finally, document. I have never really kept a record of things I'm doing and with a Fibromyalgia memory, that's probably a bad thing. I'm hoping by recording my trials and tribulations, It will help me discover and remember the things that have worked for me in the past for the various symptoms.

I received a book today from my aunt, The Fibromyalgia Handbook - a 7 Step Program to Halt and Even Reverse Fibromyalgia. I normally disregard anything that says it will reverse Fibromyalgia... because I just don't believe that's possible. I believe you can treat the symptoms and live a pain-free life while still treating symptoms. But I believe that once you stop doing those things, that the Fibromyalgia will return... like a hibernating bear.

But, because I decided a few weeks ago that I need to make these additional efforts, I have already begun reading the book. And it's looking promising. I'm not sure what it will do for me, but I do like that I am learning more than I did before. I guess that's why I stopped researching... I wasn't learning anything new.

So, my newest resolution is now in full swing. I'm hoping I'm as successful with this one as I was with my previous.

Tired

I'm tired. I think that is contributing to my lack of Christmas Spirit. It just doesn't feel like Christmas. I think if we didn't have kids, I'd skip it all together this year. I'm having trouble getting into the season (and Christmas is just a few days away!). We did do Christmas cookies with Cindy and Nicolas, I have done our normal donations to various charities and I have done all our shopping. I'm going through the motions, just not feeling it. I don't even have an idea of what we are doing for Christmas dinner! My parents are going grocery shopping for the food in the morning. They are pretty much planning it - I'll make whatever they get.

Did I mention I'm tired. I'm not, lay down and fall asleep tired, I'm mentally tired. I get this way occasionally... and I know that it has a lot to do with the Fibromyalgia. I mean, I have lots of great things happening around me - and I'm thankful. But this year, I don't get the normal satisfaction from helping others. I don't feel the same when I buy a gift for someone. I'm having trouble finding those perfect gifts that I pride myself in. I'm just tired!

I hesitate to call it a depression because 1 - I don't want to be depressed for Christmas (that's just depressing) and 2 - I honestly don't think that's what it is.

I'm just tired. Maybe a good night sleep (of waking up for two or three bottle feedings) and I'll be refreshed. I'm just tired.

Ouch!

I had a very full day. Robbie had an appointment in Bellevue this morning at 10:00. Then we came home and had lunch, I did a little laundry, he played Thomas online and Alyssa... well, she just caused trouble. "Alyssa's looking for trouble again" her brother always says. At 3:45, he had a playdate with his school friends at Jump Planet. That was so much fun! I wish Alyssa was a little older so that I could have joined in on all the fun, but I had to sit on the side lines while all those single child moms whooped it up.

After that, a few of his friends went to McDonald's for dinner. While I still don't promote dinners at McDonald's, I did allow Robbie to go along and have a snack of apple slices. We left there and went straight to the gym... I finally got the kids checked in at Kids Club around 6:15 for my one hour break.

Then it started. It was really weird. I went into the locker room to put on the proper shoes and to stow my bag. It was the changing of the shoes that did it. I put my tennis shoes on and I about lost it they hurt so bad! I could tell when I took my slip-ons off, that I was going to have problems. I was, not so subtly, reminded of why I wear slip-on shoes year-round.

Anyhow, I decided I was going to endure the pain since I went through the trouble of getting the kids into the daycare center (an ordeal in itself today). I did my 35 minutes on the bicycle and could hardly get off it. My butt was killing me, my legs were refusing to move and my feet were very cross with me.

I'm now at home with the menace and Kasey is swimming at the gym with Robbie. I'm managing, but ouch! I just have to get dinner made, then I'm retreating to my bed! What a day!

Symptoms

It's been a while since I've read much about Fibromyalgia. I know I should keep up on the latest research, but I often go through periods of denial. This blog is helping me acknowledge that I do, in fact, have this condition.

So, I began searching the Internet again for links that I can include on my blog. I don't want to add a link though that I haven't thoroughly read myself. Of course, the first thing I come across is a list of symptoms (partial list as a full list would be way to much!)

Here's what they listed and what I have;

Widespread pain - Yep, I have this. It's the oddest, sometimes most disturbing symptom because it's unpredictable. I have my normal, everyday, constant pain (much like the flu), but I've learned to tune that out. It's the shooting pains or infrequent pains in random places such as my left big toe or the knuckle on my middle left finger.

Fatigue and sleep disturbances - I think I talked about this one in a previous post. I definitely have it. Luckily the sleep disturbance isn't as bad as it used to be. I think that's because Alyssa keeps us good and tired. The fatigue is a huge problem. Probably the primary symptom I am trying desperately to curb. I just don't have time for fatigue.

Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) - Luckily I don't have this often. I usually get it briefly before my menstrual cycle. Kasey and I are fairly good about being sure that I eat bland foods around that time.

Headaches and facial pain - I used to get insane headaches. I was initially diagnosed with Chronic Migraines. I am happy to say that this is not currently one of my symptoms. I'm sure it will return at some point. I haven't had a headache since I stopped working :)

Temporomandibular joint (TMJ) dysfunction - I don't have this and it's the first time I've seen it on the list. I'm wondering if this was added in the last few years. Something to look forward to!

Heightened sensitivity - I have more than my share of this one. Mostly it's associated with touch (I'm sure Kasey would agree). I don't like others to touch me, it sends a weird and unsettling sensation through my body. It even happens when my kids touch me :( For the most part, I've adapted. I'd love for this one to go away though. I can also be sensitive to sound... I don't like being in noisy situations (Robbie doesn't either).
Other common signs and symptoms include:

Depression - This isn't a regular one for me, but it does happen. Luckily it only lasts a few days when it happens and Kasey is fairly good at snapping me out of it. I think my blog has also helped me a bit.

Numbness or tingling sensations in the hands and feet (paresthesia) - Yep, I have this one too... and often. Most often in my hands... but at night, I can occasionally get it in my feet. Especially when I have back pain, but I think that's more related to my bulging disk than anything.

Difficulty concentrating - Luckily this doesn't happen as often any more. This is the Fibro Fog. I'd say I have this symptom maybe two to three times a month at varying degrees. My worst days, I just stay home. I have found this can be a dangerous symptom.

Mood changes - Hmmm... I'm sure Kasey would have an answer for this. Yes, I have extreme mood swings. I never realized this could be part of Fibromyalgia... I just thought I was having trouble controlling the depression. I think the two are related.

Chest pain - I have this too! Since I stopped working, I get it far less. I used to have this several times a day... now I'd say maybe once a week. Must be related to stress!

Irritable bladder - Yeah! One more symptom that I don't have.

Dry eyes, skin and mouth - I definitely have this. I can't wear contacts. My skin is ALWAYS dry... and I've got dry mouth quite often.

Painful menstrual periods - My periods aren't very painful - however, I do occasionally have periods where I can not wear a tampon due to the pain of wearing it. TMI :)

Dizziness - I've been known to take a dive or two. I get dizzy often at the height of my flare ups.

Anxiety - I'm not sure I get this much. What I've heard about anxiety attacks... they aren't fun.

So, that's the list I got off the Mayoclinic.com website. So far, I like this site. But I haven't read a whole lot of it yet.

It Doesn't Seem to Matter

Last night the power went out all over Western Washington - us included. We are the lucky ones who had it restored earlier this morning. Many of our friends are still without power. Kasey tried to go into work today. Once he got there, there was no one there and no power. It took him an hour and half to return home (normal 20-30 minute drive).

So today was a nice day... I had Kasey home to help today. We had a nice family day. I cleaned a bit, we watched some t.v. (mostly news) and then we played a bit of Wii. But for some reason, come the end of the day, I was exhausted like I normally am when I have the kids on my own.

It just more confirmation that it isn't the kids. It's me. I am getting more tired earlier. I'm just not sure what to do about it anymore. Since quiting my job I have made many life style changes. I have improved my diet, rid myself of most stresses and started going to the gym. Why am I not better? It just doesn't seem to matter what I do.

Insomnia

I hate it. Last night I slept in 5 minute intervals. While is was good for Kasey - I helped a lot more with Alyssa - it is very frustrating for me. This could mean a day of random symptoms. A day of random symptoms can be frustrating... especially when I have a list of things I need to get done. Luckily, Kasey will be home today and he planned on going with me anyhow to run errands. Maybe I'll stop by Trader Joes today and look at some organic foods.

See, already, my hands are shaking. I need to stop typing.

Losing the battle

I just got back from the health club. I was going great for about 4 weeks, then last week I tried to work out and was unable. I tried the bicycle for about five minutes with excruciating pain, then I tried to do some stomach crunches and my vision went blotchy on me. Granted, I'm still trying to recover from a very hard week (a few weeks ago) and I was a bit sick... but it was disconcerting to say the least. Yesterday I did a full workout with Kasey there and I seemed to do okay. Tonight, I only did my half hour of cardio and felt like I was going to pass out. How pathetic! I feel like I'm losing my battle lately.

I'm also feeling a bit of pressure as Kasey will be returning to work soon and with the holidays coming, things are going to get busy. I need to have energy to make it through a day at the very least. Pain free would be wonderful, but I'd be happy just being able to hold myself up.

I'm hoping for a better day tomorrow. Actually, I'm just hoping to be able to get out of bed.

Where to start?

So, I haven't made any changes since my first post. I'm just not sure where to start. I'm always hearing from people trying to sell me the latest and greatest cure all - and I'm a bit jaded. I'm just not sure they are for me. Not that I don't want to get better - I just hesitate to put anything foreign in my system. Especially something that hasn't been recommended by my doctor. I guess I worry that these remedies could lead to other problems down the line... and what if those problems are worse that what I deal with now?

I often feel that I'm not educated enough to make a proper decision on many of these products... so it's easier to not use them. Sounds lazy, but I'm not sure where to even begin educating myself in these products as much of their literature is over my head.

So, where to begin my road to recovery? I'm thinking I'll start with organic. I've heard good things abour eating organic foods... and it seems like a fairly simple change. I'm not talking about changing everything to organic - I certainly can't afford that... but perhaps many of my staples such as pasta and bread.

That's the other things. I've known for some time now that I might have a slight alergy to dairy. Especially ice cream. My asthma acts up when I have Ice Cream... and sometimes hot chocolate made from milk. So, I'm going to try to drastically cut down the amount of dairy I eat. We'll see if that makes a difference.

I think that's a good place to start. I'll post my results if I notice any!

By the way - today is a fairly decent day. Kasey has been home all week and my symptoms have been sporatic. It seems many of my old symptoms have returned... I think those are from exhaustion and I anticipate those will subside soon.

A New Beginning

A few months ago, I had to stop working. I wasn't working much (part-time, mostly from home), but I was at a point where I felt like I was more of a hindrance to the company than a help - and I can't have that. I decided I needed to take time off, get healthy again, then re-evaluate what I'm physically able to do to help bring in a little extra money.

In the past few months I have been focused on my two kids... Robbie started a co-op preschool and Alyssa has been working on gaining weight. I've had little time to think about my own health. I'm still fairly useless at night, early evenings are difficult and everyday I manage through various other symptoms.

I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia about six years ago. I can't believe it's been so long already! I feel like my condition has improved from my initial diagnosis, I just have new challenges. We've made efforts to improve my health such as joining a health club and hiring help one time during the week. Yet, I'm still having trouble managing symptoms.

Hence the new blog. I intend on using this blog to track my symptoms, explore new treatments, research work opportunities and journal my progress.