It's sometimes hard to tell

I've been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia for about 8 years now. It's a long time to have wide spead pain. I really can't remember a day without some type of pain. Lately I have come to realize that the days I think that are my good days... may not be so great.

I have days were I am not preoccupied by my symptoms. I would classify these days as good days. But lately, I've realized even on those days... I do have symptoms, I just don't see them as such. For example... today. This morning start like any other, but I was able to get up with not to much effort and I was able to move about my day without a lot of pain distraction. I thought... "I'm having a good day" until I began evaluating myself.

I realized I had been very short with Robbie. He hasn't been listening (nothing new hear) and I had sent him to his room several times. This translate into, I've had no patience. My normal behavior would have been to sit down with him and to talk about why I was getting upset with him. This conversation only happened once and it was when I finally realized that I was being short with him.

So, once I realized I hadn't been very patient, I tried to figure out why. Because this is what I do for some reason. Cause and effect right? You do something or feel something and there must be a reason behind it. Well, the reason behind my impatience was in fact pain that I had blocked out. I wish it was that simple to figure out the cause of the pain.

I have tried since this revelation to be more patient... but even being aware of it, has made it difficult. I'm not feeling well and that is taxing on my body. I think I'm tired of it... which has a huge affect on my patience level.

But now I know, and knowing is half the battle... isn't that what they say? I'm sure Robbie wouldn't see it that way.

How do they avoid it?

It has always amazed me that not a single celebrity has ever said that they have Fibromyalgia. One in every fifty americans suffer from Fibromyalgia... so how in the world did the celebrities avoid the statistics?

Maybe it's not really an illness. Maybe it is just a Vitamin D deficiency?? Do celebrities know something we don't?

I've read several postings where people have tried to find celebrities who suffer from FMS. Perhaps to have them speak out about it. I have also read postings where people have tried to get Oprah to have a show on it. Why it is being avoided?

I'm doing better... but I still have episodes. I had one today after Alyssa's appointment. I was not feeling well. I was very faint and I still had to drive the kids home. I didn't completely recover. It took me about ten minutes to get to a point where I felt like I could drive. I went back roads in case I needed to pull over suddenly. In hindsite, I shouldn't have driven. But when I'm out with the kids, what are my options? Often I don't recover until several hours... maybe even a day later. I've worked through it today... but I'm sure as soon as Kasey gets home, my body will give in. And who knows what price I will pay for not stopping when my body gave me the warnings. Only time will tell.

I just don't get it. I want to avoid this like celebrities seem to be able to do. Anyone have some inside information they can share?

To preoccupied to notice

I haven't posted in a while because I've been so preoccupied. I wish it was because I haven't had any symptoms, but sadly that's not true. I think the medications are helping. We have postponed me going up to 2 Wellbutrin a day because I've been dealing with a racing heart rate. I'm fine with just the one dose in the morning. It seems to be helping me function and get through the day.

I'm still not sleeping real well at night, but I'm waking a little easier. I think the sleep issue is more of an Alyssa issue than the fibromyalgia at this point. I'm hoping once we get her better that the sleep will improve as well.

We've also been a bit preoccupied with figuring out Robbie's schooling for next year. So much is going on, I just don't have time to think of myself. I think in this case, it's a good thing.

Pains

For the most part, this has been a good week. I've been taking it easy, slowly preparing for Alyssa's party - actually planning ahead. But it's the little things that I do that cause me pain. They aren't really anything I feel like mentioning to Kasey, but I do feel the need to record them.

I was shaking the water off the pasta for dinner tonight and I must have pulled something in my back (not sure how that's possible). The pain shot from my shoulder, down my left back side and it stopped around the center of my back. It's annoying. You would think something like this would have happened while I was moving the table, or when I was hanging streamers, to when I was doing any number of the things I did today - but shaking water off pasta? The pain was strong enough to stop me in my tracks. That doesn't happen often.

Then just a few minutes ago while sitting in bed in front of my computer, I got another one. This one was a pull type pain that was in my mid-back, left side. Pretty much right where the other pain stopped. What gives?

My real back pain (that's what I like to call my bulging disk since all the other ones don't seem to have a reason) is in my lower back. So, I'm fairly certain that these pains are just from the Fibromyalgia. I'm not complaining. I'm actually very thankful that I've had a semi-productive week. I just hope I don't crash during the weekend like I normally do.

Knock on wood

I've had two good days in a row. A good day is a day with little pain (just a few shooting pains and a mild overall ache) and very few other symptoms. Today, my only other symptom was a senstitive stomach. At least that's the only one that comes to mind. It's also been a good day because I have been able to get in and out of bed several times without it killing my back and without my legs feeling like they are going to give out on me.

I think I'm going to quit while I'm ahead and go to bed. Hopefully I can count on another good day tomorrow as I need to get some grocery shopping done and I need to renew my license.

It's not fun being right

Today I had a hard time. I did okay in the morning, I even managed to get up early. But I crashed while in the doctor's office waiting for the doctor. It's really not fun. I start to get very tired... and weak. I have a hard time sitting up. I also get very hot and a bit dizzy.

I made it through the appointment and we went straight to get something to eat. I did recover after eating, but I was still feeling a bit weak and very tired. I have been in bed since around 3:30 or 4:00.

It's a bit frustrating. It's frustrating that I spend an evening with my kids alone and I pay for it the entire next day. I know that part of it was that it was at night. Kasey normally takes the kids at night to give me time to rest after a full day with them. And I didn't eat as well as I should have... but it's irritating that it almost completely incapacitates me. I knew I would pay today, but I wish I could pay with just a little extra pain - not loss of energy.

I did too much

I just got home from Robbie's pajama party and what I really want to do is cry. I don't think I realized it... because it wouldn't have mattered, but I'm in a lot of pain. I had both kids because I wanted Alyssa to see Nancy Stewart who was performing. Going it solo was probably a mistake. I thought I could do it... and I did. But now, sitting in bed just a "how are you doing" questions away from tears.

The kids had a great time. I think that makes it worth it. If you live in the area and you have kids, I highly recommend seeing Nancy Stewart. This was our second or third time seeing her (I can't be sure since I'm currently in a bit of a fog). But this blog is for talking about me and my Fibromyalgia... so I digress.

Tomorrow morning we go in for Alyssa's 12 month appointment. I'm supposed to also have my blood drawn so they can do numberous tests that will probably come back just fine. I hope I'm feeling better by the morning. When I'm having a bad day, terrible things happen when I have a blood test. Luckily Kasey is taking the day off so I won't have to drive. I really need to stop over doing it.