I'm moving

On a friend's recommendation, I'm moving this blog. The new address is http://myfibrofog.wordpress.com/. I haven't decided whether I will be moving my main blog yet... I figure I'll try it with this one first since this one is a lot smaller and doesn't have the pictures the other one does.

Please visit me on the other site for updated blogs.

I am tired

I wonder if my exaustion goes in cycles. I am so physically tired that I feel like my body is going to go limp any minute, and it just might. It's done it before. This morning was supposed to be easier on me. Kasey took Robbie to work with him since they will be going to school together today. So, I just have Alyssa. Alyssa by herself, in theory, should be easier. But she isn't. She's demanding and when you are as tired as I am, it makes for a very cranky girl. I am trying. I took her outside and let her play in the yard for a bit... but the sun started giving me a headache and draining what little energy I had.

So, we went inside and tryed to play on the floor. However, when Alyssa is inside, she wants to be at the table. She can now climb up to her chair and sit in it all by her big self. This gets annoying as I can't sit at the table comfortably for any length of time... and she won't allow me to leave her alone at the table.

I feel like I haven't slept in days... but I'm fairly certain that I'm asleep for more hours than my husband. What am I doing that I'm not getting the restorative sleep? I don't want to have to take Ambien. But I'm tired. I wish there was another way.

I had another episode

Today I had another one of my episodes. They consist of me first feeling a little sick to my stomach. That passes and I start to feel a little dizzy or disoriented. After a few minutes of that, my body starts to feel weak and I have to sit down. I often get to the point where I have to make a concentrated effort to speak. And the final phase is I start feel as if I will pass out and I lose strength in my body and have trouble holding myself up.

This happened to me today while I was at Costco. I had two things going for me. One - the kids weren't with me (Robbie was at preschool and today was Alyssa's day with the nanny) and Kasey was with me. He was able to get me to the car where I was able to recover.

It's a bit scary. I get worried because sometimes, I can't recover. I get worried that I will have an episode like this when it's just me and the kids. Robbie knows what to do. He will just call his dad. But what if I am drifting in and out so much that I can't keep track of the kids? I worry that I will pass out in public somewhere and while, I'm fairly certain Robbie will stay next to me (we've discussed it many times), Alyssa will take the opportunity to leave. I worry that Robbie will be torn between leaving my side and chasing his sister.

This is why I am no longer working. It's episodes like these that we are trying everything we can to avoid. I guess I over did it a little this weekend. I just hope that I have paid the price and the worst is behind me.